who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
