Dude my mom stole all your condoms
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
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