i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
