ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
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