Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Randomize
