He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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