Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Randomize