thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Randomize
