Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
