Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Randomize
