i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
My pussy is not your playground.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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