I think my vagina is haunted
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
