did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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