Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
