I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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