I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
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