so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
