Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
this will be a night to untag.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
