apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
