so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Randomize
