The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
