I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
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