I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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