I'm pants shitting drunk right now
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Randomize