I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
