NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
