That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
I just found puke in my bra..
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Randomize
