I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
