Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
