And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
