a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
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