Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Randomize
