we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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