you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Randomize
