tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
i need to put some appletini on your dick
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
When are your genitals available?
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
