You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
We talked him into tasing himself.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Randomize
