I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
