If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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