girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
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