My balls are so social today.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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