Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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