id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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