You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
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