dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Randomize
