Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Randomize
