Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Randomize