Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize
