I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
