We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Randomize
