dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
