You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Randomize
