I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Never joke about your clitoris.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
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