I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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