based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
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