I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Randomize
