9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Randomize
