already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
His hands were made for my vagina.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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