if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize