Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
