just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
