I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Randomize
