i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
i now understand why vodka
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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