I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Of course I have a pirate flag
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Randomize
