woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
