Tell her she can't have a vagina
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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