apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
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