I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
