btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
