Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
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